Always have, always will. x
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The boy has commented on more than one occasion that I have more clothes than anyone he has ever met. He calls me a hoarder, but I would like to stress that I am not! Hoarders are people like the sellers at Sungei Road's Thieves' Market. Lol. I actually DO love my clothes, that's why I buy them. I don't know why but they're just so irresistible. I would show you literally the amount of clothes I have, but not now. What I would like to share though, is some very good news. Tada!:



Yes, I booked a flea market stall to sell off my precious clothes!!! The boy's nagging has finally paid off. And to be honest, I do know my limits too, hahaha. A few times, I have sat in the middle of my room and looked around at my mountains and mountains of clothes, and I do get scared. I do get worried like, "Why do I have so many clothes....???? OMG, TOO MANY!!!! I need to do something!!" But yet I just still keep buying. =.= It's weird, but I can't stop.

Mark your calendars on 18 May and come down to Scape Playspace to get your paws on my pre-loved clothes at a steal! Some even still have tags on them, most only worn once! And they are all going for low prices! I really need to declutter and make space, so rest assured you'd be spoilt for choice.

Been procrastinating for way too long about this. I'm so glad I'm finally doing it!!! Quite excited; hopefully it'd be a success ('cos the last time, it wasn't. :/). Will do another post on this soon! ❤
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Scenario: You're on Instagram stalking someone because you saw them earlier in school today and pretended you didn't, and then fuck your life! You accidentally "LIKE" someone's picture and quickly un-"LIKE" it. Panic mode: ON. What do you do, what do you do?!?!?!!! Well, maybe you'd proceed to block the person, private your account and change your Instagram username???? YEAHHHHHHHHHH.............. That's what cowards do.

LIKE IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE, 'COS YOU KNOW WHY?:



It's too bad, we gotcha in the notifications. PWNED. You're fucking stupid. ^_^_|_ It figures, they wouldn't say "stupid donkey" for nothing now, would they? What's that you said before? "We REALLY never stalk you all already. REALLY."

YAH RIGHT.

So Ee Xuan followed the link and guess what? No "LIKE" on the pic. =(

Meryl, Meryl... Why are you so stupid?!?!?!?!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA thank you for this late-night amusement, it's very comforting to know you're beating yourself up at the fact that you made a fool out of yourself.
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Hi everyone! I've got myself a new hair sponsor at Headlines Hairdressing located in China Square Central, with effect from this post. My stylist is still Jerry though, because he moved from Salon de Choix to Headlines and he's so nice and good, I decided to follow up with him at Headlines!


(credits to Headlines Hairdressing)







I was expecting a touch-up of my hair roots on my first appointment, but Jerry said I'd probably get that done on my next appointment because for this first time at Headlines, I was given a hair treatment and also a trim for my split ends. Jerry referred to it as "DYNA" on Whatsapp, and because I've never heard of this, I thought he made a typo. LOL! Turns out, DYNA is a complex argan oil hair treatment that possesses all the good stuff that one would desire in a pampering session for your hair!

Fun fact: Argan oil is the world's most expensive plant oil and only 1 litre of oil can be extracted from 100kg of argan tree berries! Which means, what you are putting on your hair is awesome, precious stuff!

The DYNA Argan Oil hair treatment basically:

- reduces frizzy hair
- prevents further hair damage
- makes hair shinier
- prevents split ends

And better yet, it lasts up to 3 months or more. You know the suffocating feeling you get when doing a hair treatment, where your eyes burn with the unbearable stench from the chemicals? This chemical is actually formaldehyde. When a product claims that it's "formaldehyde-free", it does not mean that it has completely NO formaldehyde. It means that it just contains <0.2% of it. With the DYNA Argan Oil hair treatment, you don't need to worry about all of those at all because it contains 100% NO formaldehyde. Literally zero. No more choking while pampering your hair!

As for me, I've got to confess. I haven't been taking care of my hair (especially the ends) for a better part of half a year. So when I presented myself to Headlines Hairdressing, my hair was in really bad condition. I mean like this:



That's grass. That's not hair! Yes, I said it myself.

DYNA to the rescue!:





Transformation in progress:





ARE YOU READY TO CHECK OUT MY END RESULT after a trim and the DYNA Argan Oil hair treatment???!?!?!?!!!:



The above hair texture is totally ad-worthy! I've never seen my hair so sleek and shiny in my entire life! If you think it's nothing, you have to see the comparison pic for more shock impact:



LOL! See what I mean? I have awesome healthy hair now! All thanks to Headlines Hairdressing and Jerry!:



Thank you Jerry! You're da man!

A handful of my friends said that the DYNA hair treatment result was jaw-dropping. Even the guys! Yup, guys can do it too of course!

For those who are interested in the DYNA hair treatment or any other services by Headlines Hairdressing, you can quote my name (Crystal Shong) for a 15% discount off their services! Please note that this is NOT applicable for promotions. =)

Headlines Hairdressing is at:

18 Cross Street, #01-15
China Square Central
Telephone: +65 6221 6866
Opening Hours:
Mon - Fri, 10.30am to 8:30pm
Saturday, 10:30am to 7pm
Sunday & PH, 10.30am to 5pm
Website: http://www.headlines.com.sg/

Please call and make your appointment with my stylist, Jerry! He is off on Tuesdays so you can make your appointment to see him any other day except Tuesdays. =) Besides being my stylist, he is also a friend. Time will zoom by while you banter with him as he does your hair. He has a lot to talk about... sometimes he's full of rubbish, hahaha. You can chat about anything under the sun, he'd be glad to listen! He also does a thorough job in his work, conforming to my requests while at the same time recommending the best way to work around problems we might face with my hair texture, etc. I'm sure he'd give you the same kind of service, and the best recommendation for your hair too! Why'd you think I followed him from his previous salon to Headlines?! Right?

Remember to quote my name for your 15% discount! And remember, LOOK FOR JERRY!!!

I can't wait to dye my hair next!!! Hehehehe. Excited to find out what colour Jerry would recommend this time! Maybe some highlights? =P We'll see, yes?

Till then, stay tuned! xx
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According to Wikipedia:

Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction. An "ideal beauty" is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection."

But tell me, what is ideal and what is perfection? It's funny, because when I look at most of the VS Angels for example, I think they're beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous, incredibly stunning. Watch this video:



My goddess. Alessandra Ambrosio. Say I take her as my definition of "ideal beauty". But that's MY definition, not the world's. Alongside Ale, I also think her contemporaries are equally gorgeous. So is she still beautiful? Yes, to me. Fann Wong is also pretty to me. And so is Avril Lavigne, and Chyler Leigh. And many more. I cannot decide who is MOST beautiful, though.

Each and every time I look in the mirror, or in the front camera of my iPhone, I start to nitpick on my outward appearance. How my hairline is so shitty, my forehead so high, how my hair density is so fine, how little it is. I tilt my face this way and that, thinking how I dislike my wide cheekbones, how my face is not proportionate on both sides. Worse if I were to look in a full-length mirror. How I think my waist could be smaller, my thighs skinnier, my butt perkier or my boobs just maybe 20% bigger (too big annoys me because it attracts unwanted attention). I don't think I am hideous, but I also really don't think I am all that great. I am just... okay, normal. Most days I just feel ugly. I always think I could be prettier, better in general. Yet I don't know where to truly draw the line at the "ideal beauty" everyone speaks of.

I was born on August 26. That makes me a Virgo. How fitting is it, that Virgos are extreme perfectionists? Something that a person looks at and misses out on, I in turn, see the minute detail. And it will bother me until it is corrected. And if it's impossible to correct, it somehow will nag at the back of my brain like, forever. So imagine how I feel when I look in the mirror and see all my flaws. There was once I did a photo shoot. The pictures came out, and I cried. I cried because I thought I looked so ugly. Actually, it wasn't the first time I thought I looked so hideous. Nothing anyone said could placate me. In fact, nothing anyone says ever really does. They say nothing in this world is perfect, but yet I still strive for it. Still strive for the impossible. Is it good? In a way. Bad? In many ways too. I know.

I don't know how, or when, I became like this. Maybe vaguely, but I don't know if I can attribute it to those times. When I was a baby, my mum said I would be passed around in the crowd like a ball because everyone wanted to cuddle me since I was such a cute baby with big eyes. From her friends, to our neighbours, to the salesgirls who used to come knocking in the past when door-to-door sales were still the rage. And then as I grew older and could understand words, I always heard my mum's friends say things along the lines of, "Is that your daughter? Aiyo, so pretty hor!!!" It feels like a brainwash now. Something I listened to, took to heart and made my lifelong goal. Made it important. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping up with people's expectations. Especially when I set high ones for myself to begin with as well. They say modelling boosts your confidence. Does it, really? I got to be friends with so many other pretty girls on my modelling competitions and event jobs. Some of them became such good friends. I never looked at them as my competition before, but sometimes I do compare and use them as my yardstick. Thinking, "Why can't I look like that? Why can't I have hair like that? Why can't my thighs be skinny like hers?" The list goes on. Jealousy? No. Envy? Maybe a little bit. It does make a huge dent in my self-confidence, no doubt. Does that make me a weirdo? Ha. God knows.

When I'm on the train and I look around and happen to lay eyes on a random human being, I think to myself, "Not pretty." And then I start to count my blessings. But really, really, sometimes it's so hard. When you're standing solo, your flaws are magnified by so much. It might sound offensive to the average person, but sometimes I really do wish for so much more. I remember one time I was having a heart-to-heart talk with A, and I said, "I think I'm ugly." He asked me why I thought that way. I shrugged. And the tears started to fall. Even now when I think about it, my eyes burn. The vulnerability and immense insecurity inside of me. I remembered he said gently, "You're not ugly, okay." And gave me a kiss on the side of my head. It helped for all of 10 minutes or so, and now I'm here, my fingers flying over the keyboard with all these random thoughts.

I understand if some people might think I'm fishing for compliments, but I find it easier to accept nasty criticism than praise. I say thank you to compliments, but it's just "thank you". I'm not the type to take a self-shot and caption it, "I think I look damn hot today." WTF, yuck. Even if it were true in that case, there's still a very fine line between self-confidence and complete self-obsession and delusion, which is disgusting. Do you see supermodels posting pictures of themselves with self-praise captions? Absolutely not. Those are the real compliment-fishers. I accept compliments, I do. BUT with much awkwardness. Sometimes even the basic "thank you" has difficulty forcing its way out of my lips. Most of the time it's just a little bit of hesitation, an eye-roll and/or a, "HUHHHH...." Like I don't understand, because I don't. I can remember a handful of the times when compliments have been given to me for my looks. Standing at the counter of my mum's workplace talking to her. A random customer asking my mum if I'm her daughter and she said yes. His face of awe while he said to me, "小姐，你真的很美叻！" My new female colleague, exclaiming in my face, "You're freakin' hot!" How some people tell me, "I would kill to look like you." But I could say the same to Alessandra Ambrosio, could I not? It made me a very happy girl when Fann Wong told an acquaintance of mine working in Mediacorp, that she remembered who I was, "That pretty girl." And my slack jaw when this happened:



No, I'm not an extreme beauty. Thank you, thank you and thank you so much. But these make me awkward. I don't know how to accept praises with grace. I ought to learn. On the contrary, have you ever thought that these praises could be something like beautiful poison at the same time?

People think I am hard on myself. Yes, I am. I am harsh and I am critical with everyone around me. So just imagine how much worse I can be on myself. All this time in my head, I KNOW perfection doesn't exist. Yet I am still hunting for it. Like a never-ending journey. I think about the day I will eventually be 80, a true old lady. What will happen then? I think I will just refuse to look in the mirror anymore. I wonder if Alessandra Ambrosio has her bad days too. It's funny, isn't it? "Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology, and culture." Fuck those assholes who created beauty pageants and all that shit. If only Eve didn't eat the forbidden fruit. If only the world could have a standard definition of beauty instead of it, being in the eyes of the beholder. If only it were more clear-cut. If only it could be programmed into everyone that "so-and-so" has the perfect look, and you're either like that or you're not. That would save a lot of agony. If only.

All the blabbering on this subjective topic, and yet I am still as confused as ever in most parts. Someone said to me, "If everyone were perfect, what will be beautiful then?" How bloody true is that?

And yet, I still strive.

*P.S: For the person who posted a question on my Formspring, thoughts like the above don't come all the time, but I hope this will suffice.
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Was very delighted to receive an exclusive invite to the Victoria's Secret Beauty & Accessories store opening at ION Orchard. Actually, I was supposed to be working for the event together with Deb, but it got cancelled at the last minute so we gladly went as guests. If you know me, you'd know that I am a HUGE fan of Victoria's Secret. I watch ALL the fashion shows (downloaded and transferred into my external hard disk for safekeeping!), I own their stuff, and I can name all the Angels. Actually, I can name all the top models in the shows, even if they're not an official Angel. =P The boy said he finds it weird that he doesn't even know any of their names (considering how sexy and appealing they are to men), but I know everything. Haha. My favourite is of course, the very stunning Alessandra Ambrosio. ^_^ Followed by Adriana Lima. I wish they'd invite these Angels to Singapore though!!! It would make me the happiest girl on the planet! They do that for countries like Canada, but none of the sort in Singapore. No fair. =(

Attended the opening with Deb, Sara and Chrishirl. Was walking around the mall before the launch began and spotted someone with a bun on her head, smiling with her colleague and revealing her buck teeth, doing her penguin walk on her way to lunch. LOL very ugly. Okay, inside joke but she who knows, knows. ;) Window-shopping in Bershka:



To be honest, I only ever buy VS products overseas, via my cabin crew friends because it's just too expensive here. The rest of the stuff, I either ordered them online before or bought them when I was in LA myself. But it didn't hurt looking at the pretty stuff! The store is so pretty!:















There was a photo booth feature at the side, where you could stand in front of a green screen and they would take your photo and edit angel wings in the background, so you could be a VS Angel for a day. HAHAHA. Here's.....:



...... my closed card frame with my photo inside. Not gonna show because it looks hideous. I've since chucked it aside somewhere. =.=

With my lovely friends:







Sara is our Asian supermodel. She walks the high fashion runways and goes clubbing with the other tall, leggy China models. And she does a mean smize. If you don't know what a "smize" is, look it up. Tyra Banks would be ashamed of you, hahaha. No but seriously, we're proud of you Sara! ;)

Head on down to the ION Orchard outlet for your VS fix any time now. If you are looking at buying a perfume, look no further than the VS Bombshell. I SWEAR it's the BEST one ever!!!! And it comes in such a pretty bottle, it's ridiculous:



I'm not a very big fan of pink, but this is really bloody irresistable. Oh VS, what would I ever do without you?
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Did an event for one of my favourite brands recently! H&M has collaborated with Maison Martin Margiela for a new line. Fancy them to come up with this "Silent Manifesto" campaign to create awareness for this. Brilliant. We only had to stand still in the streets, carrying placards. And we weren't supposed to smile. Even more brilliant, since I always get crap for having a sullen face. Now I don't even need to make any effort to smile, at all. Lol. Was working with Rebecca, Mabel and Jacene, amongst a whole ton of other people. H&M gave us white lab coats to wear; all we had to have were our own black pants, shirt and shoes inside. The mass meet-up outside H&M!:

















I don't know when this photo was taken, but I sure do look pissed:



I wasn't pissed, just so you know. That's really my poker face. Now in this pic, I see what people mean when they say I always look like I am pissed. LOL. 冤枉啊!

You'd think that standing still in the streets wouldn't attract any kind of attention, but we so did. Haha. And standing still can be so tiring!!! My goodness. The glum faces we all were supposed to put on, really became real glum faces because we were so tired. This was taken during one of our 3 breaks (one break every hour):



And these are just pictures that I stole from people's Instagrams/FBs, LOL!:















I also found out through Instagram that they do this all over the world also! Just search for #silentmanifesto or #mmm or #maisonmartinmargiela. =D So cool, we're part of a world campaign! Hehe!

Shop Maison Martin Margiela HERE. x

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Always have, always will. x

The boy has commented on more than one occasion that I have more clothes than anyone he has ever met. He calls me a hoarder, but I would like to stress that I am not! Hoarders are people like the sellers at Sungei Road's Thieves' Market. Lol. I actually DO love my clothes, that's why I buy them. I don't know why but they're just so irresistible. I would show you literally the amount of clothes I have, but not now. What I would like to share though, is some very good news. Tada!:



Yes, I booked a flea market stall to sell off my precious clothes!!! The boy's nagging has finally paid off. And to be honest, I do know my limits too, hahaha. A few times, I have sat in the middle of my room and looked around at my mountains and mountains of clothes, and I do get scared. I do get worried like, "Why do I have so many clothes....???? OMG, TOO MANY!!!! I need to do something!!" But yet I just still keep buying. =.= It's weird, but I can't stop.

Mark your calendars on 18 May and come down to Scape Playspace to get your paws on my pre-loved clothes at a steal! Some even still have tags on them, most only worn once! And they are all going for low prices! I really need to declutter and make space, so rest assured you'd be spoilt for choice.

Been procrastinating for way too long about this. I'm so glad I'm finally doing it!!! Quite excited; hopefully it'd be a success ('cos the last time, it wasn't. :/). Will do another post on this soon! ❤

Scenario: You're on Instagram stalking someone because you saw them earlier in school today and pretended you didn't, and then fuck your life! You accidentally "LIKE" someone's picture and quickly un-"LIKE" it. Panic mode: ON. What do you do, what do you do?!?!?!!! Well, maybe you'd proceed to block the person, private your account and change your Instagram username???? YEAHHHHHHHHHH.............. That's what cowards do.

LIKE IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE, 'COS YOU KNOW WHY?:



It's too bad, we gotcha in the notifications. PWNED. You're fucking stupid. ^_^_|_ It figures, they wouldn't say "stupid donkey" for nothing now, would they? What's that you said before? "We REALLY never stalk you all already. REALLY."

YAH RIGHT.

So Ee Xuan followed the link and guess what? No "LIKE" on the pic. =(

Meryl, Meryl... Why are you so stupid?!?!?!?!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA thank you for this late-night amusement, it's very comforting to know you're beating yourself up at the fact that you made a fool out of yourself.

Hi everyone! I've got myself a new hair sponsor at Headlines Hairdressing located in China Square Central, with effect from this post. My stylist is still Jerry though, because he moved from Salon de Choix to Headlines and he's so nice and good, I decided to follow up with him at Headlines!


(credits to Headlines Hairdressing)







I was expecting a touch-up of my hair roots on my first appointment, but Jerry said I'd probably get that done on my next appointment because for this first time at Headlines, I was given a hair treatment and also a trim for my split ends. Jerry referred to it as "DYNA" on Whatsapp, and because I've never heard of this, I thought he made a typo. LOL! Turns out, DYNA is a complex argan oil hair treatment that possesses all the good stuff that one would desire in a pampering session for your hair!

Fun fact: Argan oil is the world's most expensive plant oil and only 1 litre of oil can be extracted from 100kg of argan tree berries! Which means, what you are putting on your hair is awesome, precious stuff!

The DYNA Argan Oil hair treatment basically:

- reduces frizzy hair
- prevents further hair damage
- makes hair shinier
- prevents split ends

And better yet, it lasts up to 3 months or more. You know the suffocating feeling you get when doing a hair treatment, where your eyes burn with the unbearable stench from the chemicals? This chemical is actually formaldehyde. When a product claims that it's "formaldehyde-free", it does not mean that it has completely NO formaldehyde. It means that it just contains <0.2% of it. With the DYNA Argan Oil hair treatment, you don't need to worry about all of those at all because it contains 100% NO formaldehyde. Literally zero. No more choking while pampering your hair!

As for me, I've got to confess. I haven't been taking care of my hair (especially the ends) for a better part of half a year. So when I presented myself to Headlines Hairdressing, my hair was in really bad condition. I mean like this:



That's grass. That's not hair! Yes, I said it myself.

DYNA to the rescue!:





Transformation in progress:





ARE YOU READY TO CHECK OUT MY END RESULT after a trim and the DYNA Argan Oil hair treatment???!?!?!?!!!:



The above hair texture is totally ad-worthy! I've never seen my hair so sleek and shiny in my entire life! If you think it's nothing, you have to see the comparison pic for more shock impact:



LOL! See what I mean? I have awesome healthy hair now! All thanks to Headlines Hairdressing and Jerry!:



Thank you Jerry! You're da man!

A handful of my friends said that the DYNA hair treatment result was jaw-dropping. Even the guys! Yup, guys can do it too of course!

For those who are interested in the DYNA hair treatment or any other services by Headlines Hairdressing, you can quote my name (Crystal Shong) for a 15% discount off their services! Please note that this is NOT applicable for promotions. =)

Headlines Hairdressing is at:

18 Cross Street, #01-15
China Square Central
Telephone: +65 6221 6866
Opening Hours:
Mon - Fri, 10.30am to 8:30pm
Saturday, 10:30am to 7pm
Sunday & PH, 10.30am to 5pm
Website: http://www.headlines.com.sg/

Please call and make your appointment with my stylist, Jerry! He is off on Tuesdays so you can make your appointment to see him any other day except Tuesdays. =) Besides being my stylist, he is also a friend. Time will zoom by while you banter with him as he does your hair. He has a lot to talk about... sometimes he's full of rubbish, hahaha. You can chat about anything under the sun, he'd be glad to listen! He also does a thorough job in his work, conforming to my requests while at the same time recommending the best way to work around problems we might face with my hair texture, etc. I'm sure he'd give you the same kind of service, and the best recommendation for your hair too! Why'd you think I followed him from his previous salon to Headlines?! Right?

Remember to quote my name for your 15% discount! And remember, LOOK FOR JERRY!!!

I can't wait to dye my hair next!!! Hehehehe. Excited to find out what colour Jerry would recommend this time! Maybe some highlights? =P We'll see, yes?

Till then, stay tuned! xx



According to Wikipedia:

Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction. An "ideal beauty" is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection."

But tell me, what is ideal and what is perfection? It's funny, because when I look at most of the VS Angels for example, I think they're beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous, incredibly stunning. Watch this video:



My goddess. Alessandra Ambrosio. Say I take her as my definition of "ideal beauty". But that's MY definition, not the world's. Alongside Ale, I also think her contemporaries are equally gorgeous. So is she still beautiful? Yes, to me. Fann Wong is also pretty to me. And so is Avril Lavigne, and Chyler Leigh. And many more. I cannot decide who is MOST beautiful, though.

Each and every time I look in the mirror, or in the front camera of my iPhone, I start to nitpick on my outward appearance. How my hairline is so shitty, my forehead so high, how my hair density is so fine, how little it is. I tilt my face this way and that, thinking how I dislike my wide cheekbones, how my face is not proportionate on both sides. Worse if I were to look in a full-length mirror. How I think my waist could be smaller, my thighs skinnier, my butt perkier or my boobs just maybe 20% bigger (too big annoys me because it attracts unwanted attention). I don't think I am hideous, but I also really don't think I am all that great. I am just... okay, normal. Most days I just feel ugly. I always think I could be prettier, better in general. Yet I don't know where to truly draw the line at the "ideal beauty" everyone speaks of.

I was born on August 26. That makes me a Virgo. How fitting is it, that Virgos are extreme perfectionists? Something that a person looks at and misses out on, I in turn, see the minute detail. And it will bother me until it is corrected. And if it's impossible to correct, it somehow will nag at the back of my brain like, forever. So imagine how I feel when I look in the mirror and see all my flaws. There was once I did a photo shoot. The pictures came out, and I cried. I cried because I thought I looked so ugly. Actually, it wasn't the first time I thought I looked so hideous. Nothing anyone said could placate me. In fact, nothing anyone says ever really does. They say nothing in this world is perfect, but yet I still strive for it. Still strive for the impossible. Is it good? In a way. Bad? In many ways too. I know.

I don't know how, or when, I became like this. Maybe vaguely, but I don't know if I can attribute it to those times. When I was a baby, my mum said I would be passed around in the crowd like a ball because everyone wanted to cuddle me since I was such a cute baby with big eyes. From her friends, to our neighbours, to the salesgirls who used to come knocking in the past when door-to-door sales were still the rage. And then as I grew older and could understand words, I always heard my mum's friends say things along the lines of, "Is that your daughter? Aiyo, so pretty hor!!!" It feels like a brainwash now. Something I listened to, took to heart and made my lifelong goal. Made it important. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping up with people's expectations. Especially when I set high ones for myself to begin with as well. They say modelling boosts your confidence. Does it, really? I got to be friends with so many other pretty girls on my modelling competitions and event jobs. Some of them became such good friends. I never looked at them as my competition before, but sometimes I do compare and use them as my yardstick. Thinking, "Why can't I look like that? Why can't I have hair like that? Why can't my thighs be skinny like hers?" The list goes on. Jealousy? No. Envy? Maybe a little bit. It does make a huge dent in my self-confidence, no doubt. Does that make me a weirdo? Ha. God knows.

When I'm on the train and I look around and happen to lay eyes on a random human being, I think to myself, "Not pretty." And then I start to count my blessings. But really, really, sometimes it's so hard. When you're standing solo, your flaws are magnified by so much. It might sound offensive to the average person, but sometimes I really do wish for so much more. I remember one time I was having a heart-to-heart talk with A, and I said, "I think I'm ugly." He asked me why I thought that way. I shrugged. And the tears started to fall. Even now when I think about it, my eyes burn. The vulnerability and immense insecurity inside of me. I remembered he said gently, "You're not ugly, okay." And gave me a kiss on the side of my head. It helped for all of 10 minutes or so, and now I'm here, my fingers flying over the keyboard with all these random thoughts.

I understand if some people might think I'm fishing for compliments, but I find it easier to accept nasty criticism than praise. I say thank you to compliments, but it's just "thank you". I'm not the type to take a self-shot and caption it, "I think I look damn hot today." WTF, yuck. Even if it were true in that case, there's still a very fine line between self-confidence and complete self-obsession and delusion, which is disgusting. Do you see supermodels posting pictures of themselves with self-praise captions? Absolutely not. Those are the real compliment-fishers. I accept compliments, I do. BUT with much awkwardness. Sometimes even the basic "thank you" has difficulty forcing its way out of my lips. Most of the time it's just a little bit of hesitation, an eye-roll and/or a, "HUHHHH...." Like I don't understand, because I don't. I can remember a handful of the times when compliments have been given to me for my looks. Standing at the counter of my mum's workplace talking to her. A random customer asking my mum if I'm her daughter and she said yes. His face of awe while he said to me, "小姐，你真的很美叻！" My new female colleague, exclaiming in my face, "You're freakin' hot!" How some people tell me, "I would kill to look like you." But I could say the same to Alessandra Ambrosio, could I not? It made me a very happy girl when Fann Wong told an acquaintance of mine working in Mediacorp, that she remembered who I was, "That pretty girl." And my slack jaw when this happened:



No, I'm not an extreme beauty. Thank you, thank you and thank you so much. But these make me awkward. I don't know how to accept praises with grace. I ought to learn. On the contrary, have you ever thought that these praises could be something like beautiful poison at the same time?

People think I am hard on myself. Yes, I am. I am harsh and I am critical with everyone around me. So just imagine how much worse I can be on myself. All this time in my head, I KNOW perfection doesn't exist. Yet I am still hunting for it. Like a never-ending journey. I think about the day I will eventually be 80, a true old lady. What will happen then? I think I will just refuse to look in the mirror anymore. I wonder if Alessandra Ambrosio has her bad days too. It's funny, isn't it? "Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology, and culture." Fuck those assholes who created beauty pageants and all that shit. If only Eve didn't eat the forbidden fruit. If only the world could have a standard definition of beauty instead of it, being in the eyes of the beholder. If only it were more clear-cut. If only it could be programmed into everyone that "so-and-so" has the perfect look, and you're either like that or you're not. That would save a lot of agony. If only.

All the blabbering on this subjective topic, and yet I am still as confused as ever in most parts. Someone said to me, "If everyone were perfect, what will be beautiful then?" How bloody true is that?

And yet, I still strive.

*P.S: For the person who posted a question on my Formspring, thoughts like the above don't come all the time, but I hope this will suffice.



Was very delighted to receive an exclusive invite to the Victoria's Secret Beauty & Accessories store opening at ION Orchard. Actually, I was supposed to be working for the event together with Deb, but it got cancelled at the last minute so we gladly went as guests. If you know me, you'd know that I am a HUGE fan of Victoria's Secret. I watch ALL the fashion shows (downloaded and transferred into my external hard disk for safekeeping!), I own their stuff, and I can name all the Angels. Actually, I can name all the top models in the shows, even if they're not an official Angel. =P The boy said he finds it weird that he doesn't even know any of their names (considering how sexy and appealing they are to men), but I know everything. Haha. My favourite is of course, the very stunning Alessandra Ambrosio. ^_^ Followed by Adriana Lima. I wish they'd invite these Angels to Singapore though!!! It would make me the happiest girl on the planet! They do that for countries like Canada, but none of the sort in Singapore. No fair. =(

Attended the opening with Deb, Sara and Chrishirl. Was walking around the mall before the launch began and spotted someone with a bun on her head, smiling with her colleague and revealing her buck teeth, doing her penguin walk on her way to lunch. LOL very ugly. Okay, inside joke but she who knows, knows. ;) Window-shopping in Bershka:



To be honest, I only ever buy VS products overseas, via my cabin crew friends because it's just too expensive here. The rest of the stuff, I either ordered them online before or bought them when I was in LA myself. But it didn't hurt looking at the pretty stuff! The store is so pretty!:















There was a photo booth feature at the side, where you could stand in front of a green screen and they would take your photo and edit angel wings in the background, so you could be a VS Angel for a day. HAHAHA. Here's.....:



...... my closed card frame with my photo inside. Not gonna show because it looks hideous. I've since chucked it aside somewhere. =.=

With my lovely friends:







Sara is our Asian supermodel. She walks the high fashion runways and goes clubbing with the other tall, leggy China models. And she does a mean smize. If you don't know what a "smize" is, look it up. Tyra Banks would be ashamed of you, hahaha. No but seriously, we're proud of you Sara! ;)

Head on down to the ION Orchard outlet for your VS fix any time now. If you are looking at buying a perfume, look no further than the VS Bombshell. I SWEAR it's the BEST one ever!!!! And it comes in such a pretty bottle, it's ridiculous:



I'm not a very big fan of pink, but this is really bloody irresistable. Oh VS, what would I ever do without you?

Did an event for one of my favourite brands recently! H&M has collaborated with Maison Martin Margiela for a new line. Fancy them to come up with this "Silent Manifesto" campaign to create awareness for this. Brilliant. We only had to stand still in the streets, carrying placards. And we weren't supposed to smile. Even more brilliant, since I always get crap for having a sullen face. Now I don't even need to make any effort to smile, at all. Lol. Was working with Rebecca, Mabel and Jacene, amongst a whole ton of other people. H&M gave us white lab coats to wear; all we had to have were our own black pants, shirt and shoes inside. The mass meet-up outside H&M!:

















I don't know when this photo was taken, but I sure do look pissed:



I wasn't pissed, just so you know. That's really my poker face. Now in this pic, I see what people mean when they say I always look like I am pissed. LOL. 冤枉啊!

You'd think that standing still in the streets wouldn't attract any kind of attention, but we so did. Haha. And standing still can be so tiring!!! My goodness. The glum faces we all were supposed to put on, really became real glum faces because we were so tired. This was taken during one of our 3 breaks (one break every hour):



And these are just pictures that I stole from people's Instagrams/FBs, LOL!:















I also found out through Instagram that they do this all over the world also! Just search for #silentmanifesto or #mmm or #maisonmartinmargiela. =D So cool, we're part of a world campaign! Hehe!

Shop Maison Martin Margiela HERE. x